Musings · Uncategorized

I’m a Hot Mess

I’m sorry guys, for deleting my site and switching everything up again. I know you’re probably sick and tired of seeing this and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of you stopped following me because of it. (Side note, I hope you keep following me because I would miss you!)

Right now, I’m a bit of a hot mess. (As if you couldn’t guess that one, right?) I’m not sure if it’s PMS (sorry if that’s TMI) or stress or what, but I’m having massive problems with my anxiety/control issues. It seems as though they are taking over me and I’m struggling a little. Every time I start a blog, I go great and then one day I get anxious and think “OMG no one is reading my blog, it must suck, I need to start over.” And there’s nothing that can stop me from deleting my posts and starting again.

And again. And again.

Thus I get nothing accomplished and I don’t gain a readership.

The whole anxiety/control issue thing is really weighing on me and it’s making me miserable. I can’t write, I can’t blog, I’m getting angry at the husband…yeah, so bad. And I don’t take medication because 1. I hate medication and am afraid of how it can interact with my heart condition and 2. I’m not technically officially diagnosed with Anxiety. As in, I haven’t gone to the doctor for it yet. But I know I have it…I know enough about medical crap to know when something’s up.

Anyway, that part doesn’t matter. What does matter is getting out of it. Climbing out of this whole that I fell into and becoming me again. That’s what I plan to do…it’s what I need to do.

So wish me luck, everyone. I’m about to do some real deep reflection the next few weeks. I just hope that I don’t hate what I find out…

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